Jess to 98

Dear Liz,

Tue, 20 Sep 2011 21:46:22 -0500

Let me start by saying, I really hope this doesn’t creep you out.

I started reading your blog a couple of years ago and have come to feel like I know you as a friend.

Redacted

Yeah, I tried to be funny and nice but it was just creepy.

Just wanted to say that I hope you have a wonderful Marathon, exciting adventures throughout Asia and a thrilling new life in London. You will be missed in those hours (hopefully NOT days) when you aren’t able to post.

May you have the safest of journeys and never forget, when the world is feeling larger than you ever imagined, you are never alone.

With love and the highest of all internet high fives,

Jess

I’m down 1.4 pounds this week. I didn’t expect it to be this much since I wasn’t...

Sun, 14 Aug 2011 11:25:13 -0500

I’m down 1.4 pounds this week. I didn’t expect it to be this much since I wasn’t 100% perfect in my eating. Thursday I had fast food for lunch and dinner, taco bell for lunch friday bc of a birthday thing at work and fast food yesterday (saturday) for dinner as well. That’s obviously not great but not as bad as having it 2-3 times every day.

I ate a LOT of fruit this week and enjoyed it all. I’m finally starting to feel full again and that’s a plus as well.

We’ll see what happens this week! Saving money and losing weight :)

I’ve lost .08 pounds since my last weigh in…2 weeks ago. Something is better than...

Sun, 07 Aug 2011 11:37:30 -0500

I’ve lost .08 pounds since my last weigh in…2 weeks ago. Something is better than nothing.

I weighed last week and I was the same weight so that was also better than gaining.

199 is all I care about right now. 199 and not eating fast food. I’ve got to stop with the fast food. I can do this. I can do 199.

Breakfast of Champions! 1 large apple, 1 large peach and about 8...

Sun, 07 Aug 2011 10:36:23 -0500

Breakfast of Champions!

1 large apple, 1 large peach and about 8 strawberries. No sugar added obvs!

Sitting in the dark watching In Plain Sight (season 1 - I’ve never seen it before but...

Sat, 06 Aug 2011 18:41:20 -0500

Sitting in the dark watching In Plain Sight (season 1 - I’ve never seen it before but it’s on Netflix).

The only thing I feel like doing the rest of the night is laundry…and that’s just because I’ve been so lazy about it the last few weeks that I want to force myself back into a pattern.

Today I’ve had 4 slices of digiorno pizza along with 2 peaches, 1 apple and 1/2 a basket of strawberries.

In addition to my fruit haul yesterday, my dad was adorable and bought me a $75 Subway gift card.

The only food I’m going to buy the next month is fruit. I’ll eat subways and whatever food I have in my house now. Need to diet and save money.

#proclamation

Went shopping tonight. Bought $46 dollars worth of apples, peaches, grapes and strawberries. OMG.

Fri, 05 Aug 2011 20:52:57 -0500

Went shopping tonight.

Bought $46 dollars worth of apples, peaches, grapes and strawberries.

OMG.

A key to getting back into this weight loss thing is to have a...

Sun, 31 Jul 2011 19:10:06 -0500

A key to getting back into this weight loss thing is to have a fridge that looks more like this. NEED to go fruit shopping (and get a few veggies too I guess)

I’m so tired of being me. Tired of being over weight. Tired of every thought being about...

Wed, 27 Jul 2011 17:28:00 -0500

I’m so tired of being me.

Tired of being over weight. Tired of every thought being about weight or food. Tired of knowing all of my actions and reactions today are a cause of how I was treated as a fat kid growing up. Tired of wanting and wishing for so much and knowing none of it is possible. Tired of being a failure. Tired of being so introverted and having no one understand me. Tired of wanting to be alone all the time because I know it’s the only way my feelings won’t get hurt. Tired of working in an environment that is only 5% better than being back in high school with actual plastic mean girls. Tired of only finding comfort in food. Tired of having no one to talk with. Tired of being jealous of other people’s lives. Tired of thinking skinny people have perfect lives. Tired of over thinking everything. Tired of hating myself and my body. Tired of thinking/feeling I have no friends because I’m fat. Tired of growing older. Tired of having no self control. Tired of wishing I could have been born a different person. Tired of wondering why I wasn’t lucky enough to be skinny. Tired of thinking my entire life would be different if I had not always been fat. Tired of the tears I’m crying right now. Tired of wanting to disappear.

Photo

Sun, 24 Jul 2011 19:05:59 -0500

Photo

Sun, 24 Jul 2011 12:19:54 -0500

Photo

Sun, 24 Jul 2011 12:19:21 -0500

simplystriving

Sun, 24 Jul 2011 12:13:37 -0500

simplystriving

I’ve been thinking about this whole weight loss thing a lot lately. Here’s a sample of...

Sun, 24 Jul 2011 09:38:00 -0500

I’ve been thinking about this whole weight loss thing a lot lately. Here’s a sample of my thoughts:

I miss my clothes fitting loosely
I miss that natural high when you know you’ve lost pounds
I miss having something to look forward to (more losses)
I’m so effing tired of being fat
I’m so effing tired of food and weight being all I think about
My mind is exhausted
I wonder if it feels different to walk around with less weight on my body

I’m sick of counting calories. I’m sick of never feeling full (for the last few months). I’m sick of having no self control over anything in my life.

One thought I keep having is I just want to get to 199. I just want to be less than 200. I want to be in the 100’s because that’s where a woman should be. Not in the 200’s with football players.

If I had kept up the work from when I first started…I would be 98 pounds right now. All of these years of trying and failing because I get lazy have cost me so much. I could already be at 98 right now and my life would probably (not definitely) be completely different in ways I can’t even imagine.

It’s that 98 number that I think throws me off. No matter how much weight I’ve lost (and regained) over these years it’s never felt like enough because it’s still so far away from 98. I know in the past I’ve said I’m going to try and do 10 pounds at a time but it’s hard to remember that when you have 98 constantly flashing in your mind.

So, today I weighed in at 218.2 and I’ve decided I just want to see 199. I just want to hit that mark. I just want to know I’m capable of doing this. 199. I feel like I can do it no matter how much my mind wants to argue with me that I can’t.

19.2 pounds.

That’s all I’ve got to think about right now. 19.2. I can do it. 19.2 will make a huge difference. My clothes will feel looser and I’ll start to get a little more confidence back that I can succeed even if 98 is never the magic number.

19.2.

one-twenty-five: So, there’s that. But first, a trip to figure...

Thu, 21 Jul 2011 18:51:35 -0500

one-twenty-five:

So, there’s that.

But first, a trip to figure out life n’ all that jazz (oh how cliche!). I’ll post the dirty deets soon (when I can compose my giddiness), but by the end of this year my toes will have stood atop Base Camp, Mt. Everest, and dipped into the water of a beach in Bali.

I’m ready for the next chapter of my life; arms wide arm and ready to cling on.

You are living my dream life. Literally.

I’m extremely thrilled for you…but so damn jealous :D

I can’t believe it’s been so long since I’ve been on my blog. I’m just not...

Sun, 17 Jul 2011 11:00:25 -0500

I can’t believe it’s been so long since I’ve been on my blog. I’m just not in the mood to care…at least not enough to fix anything.

My back is hurting today so I’m in a very pissy mood.

Have decided I’m going to not eat fast food at all this week unless it’s a sandwich from Subway.

Baby steps sometimes.

Photo

Sat, 25 Jun 2011 22:32:17 -0500

I really want to lose weight. Really really really want to lose weight. Unfortunately, I...

Tue, 21 Jun 2011 19:27:24 -0500

I really want to lose weight.

Really *really* really want to lose weight.

Unfortunately, I can’t seem to remember this, or feel strongly enough about this desire to actually think that thought when food is in my general ~~or not so genera~~l vicinity.

For breakfast today I had 2 bowls of fruity cheerios with skim milk. I had no breakfast snack. At lunch I planned to grab a grilled chicken salad or a sandwich from Subway but ended up having a meatball sub from Firehouse Subs with a bag of full calorie and full fat potato chips. Oh and please don’t forget the SUPER LARGE coke.

Back at work I had a snickers bar and a Skinny Cow candy bar from the vending machine. On the way home, I actually considered ordering a pizza for dinner. Instead I ate about half a chicken sandwich (made by my fridge) and few baked chips. The sandwhich wasn’t good so I popped 2 mini bags of 100 calorie popcorn.

I’m been watching that huge number on my scale get even larger and I stil can’t stop myself from eating things I know I shouldn’t. I’m not an idiot. I know what is right and wrong. Why is this so damn difficult for me?

Why do I think “EFF my jeans are tight…I’ve got to lose these damn pounds” and then eat a meatball sub?

Why? Seriously. Why?

I’ve done this several times before. What was different then? Why could I stop myself then and I can’t now? I want it just as bad…I’ve wanted to lose weight my entire life. Why now do I decide to just…not care?

How do you keep caring/motivated?

Dinner didn’t go so well tonight. I ate a full plate…which is better than normal. I...

Sun, 19 Jun 2011 19:09:54 -0500

Dinner didn’t go so well tonight. I ate a full plate…which is better than normal. I didn’t get seconds of anything and I tried to keep the portions smaller than my normal. The sucky part is I had 4 pieces of cornbread. Ugh.

I’m home now and really craving strawberry icing.

My brain is killing me. It makes me want what I shouldn’t have, and keeps me from controlling those urges.

I’d love to be someone else right now. Someone who is happy and doesn’t think about food/eating/fat 24 hours a day.

This is part of my lunch…chunked up watermelon and a diced...

Sun, 19 Jun 2011 11:25:00 -0500

This is part of my lunch…chunked up watermelon and a diced peach. The rest was a sandwich made with 2 slices of Saralee 45 calorie wheat bread, 1 slice of deli style thin swiss cheese, 2 oz of ultra thin deli style rotisserie flavored chicken and a few baked chips.

So far I’m around 821 calories for the day.

Current weight - 218.6 Yup, I said wrote it. I don’t have any comments about that horrific...

Sun, 19 Jun 2011 09:43:59 -0500

Current weight - 218.6

Yup, I ~~said~~ wrote it.

I don’t have any comments about that horrific number or how it happened.

I’m starting today…for real. I don’t feel super motivated but I realized that the last time I started…I didn’t feel that motivated. The motivation came after I started and felt myself succeeding. The more I succeed the better, more confident I feel.

That’s what I need. That’s what I’m going to make happen.

So far today I’ve had a bowl of cereal (260 cals) and 2 bags of mini popcorn (200 cals).

One of the issues I’ve had lately is I never feel full. I don’t feel hungry but I don’t feel full so I just keep eating. Then about 20 minutes after I’m done I feel miserable. I’m then full of regret. So, I’ve got to get back to smaller portions and trying to feel full without eating my house.

I’m going to control my calories today…up until dinner. Since it’s Father’s day, I’m having dinner at my parents house. I can’t control what they will make but I can control how much I will eat and how I eat it (slowly, small bites, normal portions, etc.)

So, that’s what I’m going to do. Work to succeed. Succeed to feel more motivated.

Jess to 98

Dear Liz,

I’m down 1.4 pounds this week. I didn’t expect it to be this much since I wasn’t...

I’ve lost .08 pounds since my last weigh in…2 weeks ago. Something is better than...

Breakfast of Champions! 1 large apple, 1 large peach and about 8...

Sitting in the dark watching In Plain Sight (season 1 - I’ve never seen it before but...

Went shopping tonight. Bought $46 dollars worth of apples, peaches, grapes and strawberries. OMG.

A key to getting back into this weight loss thing is to have a...

I’m so tired of being me. Tired of being over weight. Tired of every thought being about...

Photo

Photo

Photo

simplystriving

I’ve been thinking about this whole weight loss thing a lot lately. Here’s a sample of...

one-twenty-five: So, there’s that. But first, a trip to figure...

I can’t believe it’s been so long since I’ve been on my blog. I’m just not...

Photo

I really want to lose weight. Really *really* really want to lose weight. Unfortunately, I...

Dinner didn’t go so well tonight. I ate a full plate…which is better than normal. I...

This is part of my lunch…chunked up watermelon and a diced...

Current weight - 218.6 Yup, I said wrote it. I don’t have any comments about that horrific...

I really want to lose weight. Really really really want to lose weight. Unfortunately, I...